BREAKING NEWS: India's mourning its Cyber Crime Squad members

06/11/2009 Written by Roberto Preatoni

BREAK­ING NEWS

SEV­ERAL E2-​LABS CYBER­CRIME SQUAD MEM­BERS REPORTED MISS­ING IN ACTIONS, SEV­ERAL OTH­ERS CRIT­I­CALLY INJUREDNATIONAL CALL FOR BLOOD DONORS

e2labs

Sev­eral of the brave E2-​labs’ Cyber Crime Squad mem­bers are reported miss­ing in action. The acci­dent hap­pened today at road n.2 of Ban­jara Hills, Hyder­abad. News reports are still unprecise but it seems that sev­eral mem­bers of the famous team of national heroes whose scope is to pro­tect India’s dig­i­tal bound­aries from bad-​ass cybert­er­ror attacks have been killed while attempt­ing to defuse a logic bomb placed by a group of sep­a­ratists. In the blast, some other Cyber Crime Squad mem­bers are reported in crit­i­cal con­di­tion. The Indian Min­is­ter of the Health has issued a call for blood donors.

The E2-​labs Cyber Crime Squad is the last fron­tiere for the defense of India’s dig­i­tal bor­ders. They are stu­dents forged into war­riors thanks to an extremely inten­sive 6 months long train­ing, care­fully stud­ied to give to India’s cyber-​heroes “com­pre­hen­sive cov­er­age of the tech­nol­ogy to estab­lish, to work with and to pro­tect the valu­able Infor­ma­tion assets of the Indus­try there by serv­ing nation from unwanted infil­tra­tion of intrud­ers through Internet”

Those brave men know the drill, word up! They are ready to face all the dif­fi­cul­ties and that’s made very clear since the first day of their enroll­ment, when they are pre­sented a Cyber Crime Squad badge. Sorry, Cyber Crime Souad as it’s writ­ten on the badge which is even report­ing their blood type. Because this is a job for real men, the stakes are high as high is the risk, blood flows in rivers. Their job is dan­ger­ous, they know they are every day onto some criminal’s hit-​list. In fact Cyber Crime Squad mem­bers’ des­tiny is cruel, even if they are just freshly enrolled, they often dis­ap­pear from E2-​labs lab­o­ra­to­ries. No traces behind.

For those E2-​labs Cyber Crime Squad mem­bers who are reported miss­ing in action, we have a good news. Due to the fact that this is the cyber-​world and not the real world, you still have one chance to get back your life. But warn­ing, it’s not for pussies. If you are a real man then click here.

Now, after the tragic news, a bit of gos­sip. Did you know that the red Power Ranger is now in jail and attempted to cut off his penis? No, seriously!

One last advice for those legit­i­matly National Cyber Defen­dant wannabees. If any­body is offer­ing you a job to “serve nation from unwanted infil­tra­tion of intrud­ers through Inter­net” make sure that in his office premises you can find a N.O.C. /​S.O.C. which more or less should look like this:

but you want also to make sure that on the desk of the man­ager of such com­pany there should be a tele­phone appa­ra­tus look­ing like this:

con­nect­ing the man­ager of the N.O.C./S.O.C. directly with the Min­is­ter of the Telecom­mu­ni­ca­tion and the Min­is­ter of the Inter­nal affairs.

If there would be a com­pany offer­ing you a job as Cyber Crime Squad mem­ber to “serve nation from unwanted infil­tra­tion of intrud­ers through Inter­net” miss­ing any of the two above­men­tioned things, run away, it’s plain scam.

PS: Ever won­dered what the def­i­n­i­tion for “Red Her­ring” is? Believe it or not, it means also “a delib­er­ate attempt to divert a process of enquiry by chang­ing the sub­ject” or “a debat­ing tac­tic that seeks des­per­ately to divert a wor­thy oppo­nent”. Here is the proof, just click and lis­ten, no bet­ter award could have been given to Zaki.


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